The Group Decision Game
How to make group decisions that satisfy everyone's needs
People usually make group decisions by trying to find options that satisfy what everyone wants.
Imagine you're deciding where to eat with a friend. The Thai place nearby looks good to you, but your friend has discovered an Italian place they think is better. "Thai has a bigger menu," you say. "Sure, but Italian has great ratings," says your friend. You go back and forth, debating travel time, atmosphere, and novelty, amongst other things. Eventually, you compromise and go to the Chinese place you always go to.
Now you've both lost. To win next time you need to understand that disagreements on decisions are about
what each party values and/or
the information each party has
#1: What does each party value?
People who value different things in a decision are likely to have different goals and therefore, disagree.
If you feel like Italian and I feel like Thai then we value different things.
It's hard to change what someone values, so to resolve value-based disagreements you want to find an option that satisfies everyone's preferences. This is hard if everyone has many preferences, but if you focus on the one or two most important things to each party it becomes easier.
For example, if your friend mostly cares about trying somewhere new, and you mostly care about having Thai, you can find a Thai place you haven't been to before. This saves you from the Italian vs. Thai debate which was meaningless in the first place.
#2. What information does each party have?
Parties with different information about the factors affecting a decision will disagree, even if they value the same things.
If Thai sounds worse because I know it's 1 star on Google, but you don't know that, we're going to evaluate the risks and benefits of going there differently.
Information-based disagreements are resolved by finding information that all parties trust on the 1) risks and 2) benefits of each option with respect to a goal. If we both value food quality and trust Google reviews, then we won't want to eat Thai.
TLDR; When you see a disagreement, don't look at what people say they want. Instead, look for 1) what they value and 2) the information they're using to assess the costs and benefits of options with respect to that.